 13 Dec 2002 @ 23:16, by Jean-michel Dubois
I wandered lonely as a cloud... (please pardon my poetic ravings)
As I wandered about on 8 acres of mostly undefiled woodland that I call home, I had a moment... you know, one of those where you're trying to figure out how to deal with difficult people - in my case, my rather unsupportive family ties, or I should say (because it's how I often feel), the lack thereof.... I had just seen a movie (from a christian perspective, mind you) that hinted of being in this moment and treasuring those things you have; I say "hinted" because no such words really came from the flic. My subconscious, however, picked up the drift, and as I wandered about aimlessly reflecting on my life, I suddenly felt so close to the Divine Sovereign - in a manner neverbefore imaginable to my "frail" mind. The Buddhist perspective so vividly came into play (mind you, I'm not a follower). I felt and knew THIS moment, none other. I realized how misguided the mainstream thought was from reality. My world as I see it with human eyes is not reality - it exists only because I made it exist. In that moment, it no longer mattered to me that my parents died tragically when I was ten. It did not matter that my (recent) family tree looked like a melting pot for every european faction since time began, or that my appearance was not what I expected it to be, or that when I arrived on earth, I knew in my consciousness that I was supposed to be a twin and yet he never arrived. Nor did it matter that what remains of my family has tried every effort imaginable to change me and mold me into something they wanted me to be. The Bible, that so often was the "rulebook" thrown at me and my ways, and that almost daily was forced down my throat like a dose of good-for-what-ails-you medicine, suddenly made more sense. It had many nuggets of truth, provided you meditated on nothing but a deeper connection with the Source of Life itself long enough to see past the veil of dogmatic bullshit. The religious practices that the family buried themselves in amounted to little more than a pile of freshly spent-out, steaming, stinky dung. The promise was for me and everyone else if we believed it - if we want it - if we care. Don't let them sell you a half-ass product. I might make a decision in this moment, that tomorrow would kill me... and it could be that one choice that determines whether I'm six feet under or successful in life. So many are debating, analysing, and calculating what is meant by this sentance or that word in scripture. Hello? Do you think a Divine presence even bothers to speak in a human, ego-centric language - or that there are even words in modern garble to properly relay what the Creator meant? Theological scholars. I'd say most are so far from truth it's laughable! Theological - now there's a word! ... with LOGIC in the middle. If I live in this moment, guided in and by the Spirit, I can't go wrong. Sorry, logic won't help. It's when we release ourselves from the chains that so easily bind us... that we really ARE.
-RESOLVE-
I resolve in this moment to be
myself and only me,
whether white or black,
brown, red, yellow, or green,
gay or straight or somewhere between,
whether man or woman,
bitch - "ho" - poof - or minister,
a lover, or a loner, crazed and sinister,
I shall in this moment be
myself and only me...
Love always,
Jeanny
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