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30 May 2004 @ 01:47, by Robert Oveson
Serendipity is the gift of being able to make delightful discoveries by pure accident, which is how I came across this article on How to be Likable and Popular. Similiar theme to one of Dale Carnegie that recently arose here at NCN. I've run across the Carnegie material before and it has always been associated with selling things and I've always thought of that as being a con game, and I know he says you have to be honest about it but it always struck me as a one sentence addittion intended to cut off any cricism without really changing anything that had already been written. This article by Cottringer seems different to me, as if he starts with the honest and sincere premise rather than tacking it onto the end like a footnote.
Ten points are listed: be honest, be humble, learn empathy, laugh often, be positive, control hostility, be polite, act smart, appear attractive, and listen more. Cottringer is succinct and explains these points quite well so I will restrict the rest of this article to my own opinions and impressions.
The serendipity factor here is that I came across this article while searching for info on "Gibbs Categories" which related to defensive and supportive behaviors, and I had the impression that this was relevant to what was happening here on the blogs. (Then again it could simply be Venus going retro causing relationship breakups and changeovers similiar to what we were going through eight years ago - Venus has an eight year cycle - but that's another story). I discovered the Gibbs Categories a couple of days ago in a text book on interpersonal communications which I found through my little game of "talking with the universe" where I meditate on a question and then walk down to the second hand book store where there is a small bin of cheap books (a buck for hard cover and a quarter for paperbacks) and look to see what was new since the last time I was there, and in this case it was a textbook on interpersonal communications. Who knew, but my current project at the time was Factor X and Colin Wilson, and somehow I think it is all related.
Cottringer thought that honesty was the most important factor, and he suggests "the best approach is to concentrate on becoming the most sincere, integrated, genuine, honest and trustworthy person you can in all inter-personal relationships." I've tried to follow this philosophy all my life and it has seemed to me that this is one of the quickest ways to be excluded from the "in-crowd" which makes me think that the question isn't just about being popular, but with who you are popular with.
An insight on how to be both humble and honest at the same time is to be a generous achiever. I find it interesting that there was no mention made of 'not being a loser' but isn't the crux of self image being who or what determines whether you are a winner or a loser. And back to Gibbs categories.
Learn empathy by practicing the Golden rule. Sounds good to me.
Laughing is good, but only if the other person shares similiar values, and perhaps the main purpose of laughter is to steer one towards the group to which they will become popular. On a few of the conferences that I hang out in I have a sig that says "Well, we could avoid the extinction of the human race, but unfortunately it wouldn't be economically feasible." Some people find it hilarious and others get really pissed off calling it hyberbolic bullshit. Go figger, eh.
It is very difficult these days to be positive and not be in denial. I've recently discovered the World Mind Society here at NCN, (superlatively great site,) and the positive insight from there was that our present society has sunk so low that dropping out is not an option, but that it is possible to evolve above it.
Control hostility with calm stoicism. Much better way to go about it compared to just not caring.
Be polite. Well duh, that's the Canadian motto isn't it?
Acting smart without contradicting the other principles is a challenge. I think the key to this one lies in 'intent'. (Intent seems to be another hot word that I've been running into everywhere I go this last week.)
Appearing attractive is hard to argue with, but how does one do this without buying into fads and fashions. Projecting an inner poise and confidence will do it, which comes from all the other items listed here. Winners are attractive, and to be attractive you need to be a winner, kind of like the job and experience dillema.
Listen more, and that one deserves an entire article in its own rite.
Such a paradox how confusion and clarity go hand in hand.
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Category: Personal Development
1 comment
30 May 2004 @ 21:53 by : heh heh
nice thoughts ov. i whould say that being attractive is better than 'appearing attractive.' attraction, after all, really has nothing to do with 'appearences' in reality. the laws of magnetism go beyond just the 'surface appearences' of things. though colors and so forth do generate biomagnetic properties they are not alone the whole schmoo. nice observations. remember 'ordo ab chao?' ;)
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Thanks vaxen. 'ordo ab chao' wasn't that the Spanish version of Vanilla Sky? If so I haven't seen it. If not I'm not sure if I understand. :-) ov
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