How to create an entire management system from scratch just with one (1!) die! 10 comments

15 Nov 2008 @ 16:39, by Max Sandor ----- snip here to forward with FAX e-mail etc ----------------------- "Creation of Structured Systems for Management and Self-Help Programmes based on Randomized Paradigms" or short: CSSMSHPRP (TM), copyright 2008-2012 by JTJH Folding Corp. [link] (Or, how to create an entire management system from scratch just with one (1!) die!) A do-it-yourself system: easy, childproof (see attached picture), for any level of expertise! Federal Warning: The following information is strictly confidential, copyrighted, trademarked, registered, protected by international laws, owned, published and franchised by Janos Toth Jr. Holding & Folding Corporation, in the following named JTJH Corp. or JTJH Folding Corp. respectively. By having clicked at the link to this page or by opening the e-mail containing this information, you have entered an irrefutable nondisclosure agreement with said parties and you have further agreed to an irrevocable and indisputable contract which you may never disclose to any second or third party under penalty of perjury. Please note that under the bylaws of the agreement you have just entered by reading this message you are obliged to remunerate JTJH Corp at the established percentage, currently 8.35% (in words: eightpointthirtyfive) of your total sales. In case of failure of payment, you will be reported to the pertinent National Agencies and furthermore incur a surcharge to the equivalent of the triple of the current Federal Interest Rate. Even if you would decide to not read further, this document delineates your future duties and responsibilities in respect, but not limited to, JTJH Corp. Note: This is a proven, infallible system which was created by itself following its own rules and tested successfully by one person. Therefore the statistical proof amounts to a whopping 100% success rate. Proof of concept filed with the county clerk at Tahuvapassee County, Nebraska. Preliminary, vital action: read the definition of 'die' in Wikipedia [link] and practice 'throwing' them for at least 20 minutes before attempting to perform the following steps! Attention: don't throw yourself out of the windows yet, it's 'die' like in 'dice', not 'die' like in 'dying'!!! So, last time, throw the die, dude, not a knife or something! Step 1 - How complex do you want to get? One-step programs don't deserve to be called programs, thus the minimum number of the program's parts should be two. More than twelve steps exceed the mental and/or emotional capacities of most living beings, at least humanoids like yourself, and should thus be avoided. Therefore: a) Roll the die twice and write down the number of dots you see each time. If you can't count until 6 ask a friend or relative to help you out. Once you use this system, you will have so much money that you can hire your own personal staff to think for you, just like any... actor or politician. b) add up the numbers (hint: you should have exactly 2 (two) numbers to add up, no more, no less!). Note to 1b: In case the final result is less than 2 (two), you didn't follow the instructions and should prepare yourself for paying a fine JTJH Corp. Example: 2 in the first throw, 4 in the second throw. of a total of 2 plus 4=6. Got that? Step 2: roll your die once to get your basic approach: 1 = steps 2 = laws 3 = rules 4 = ingredients 5 = attributes 6 = wisdoms Let's say you threw a 3, with the generous help of JTJH Corp you have now created the "6 Rules of..." Of what? Throw your die another time TWICE (2x!) in order to yield: Step 3: select the general application of your new management system or self-help program from the list below according to the number you just divined: 1 = bingo! congrats! go to "Note to 1b" above 2 = success 3 = being a millionaire 4 = getting laid 5 = buying a house with no money down 6 = becoming famous overnite 7 = winning in the lottery 8 = happiness 9 = loosing belly fat 10 = writing a best seller 11 = getting elected for President 12 = This number is reserved for 12-step programs that pretend to do something about addictions. Pick any drug or compulsive behavior and insert it here and SKIP d) below. Example: if you threw 5 and 1 (which is equal 6, you know!), your system becomes the "6 Rules to Become Famous Overnite" Now, packaging is everything, so any book with your newly created title should be a bestseller no matter what you would came up with so far using this incredible product of JTJH Corp. Since you've read until here, your fantasy is clearly limited and your intelligence severly compromised. Therefore JTJH Corp. will help you out on this one too by filling out the actual laws, rules, etc, for you as well: Roll the die as many times as you determined in Step 1. In our example, remember?, we want to create 6 (six) 'rules': Here comes the most difficult part of the system: since one die can show only 1-6 dots, we need to throw it TWICE the number of times determined in Step 1. Finally: (1 = not again! rats!go to "Note to 1b" above) 2 = positive thinking 3 = being honest 4 = vision 5 = be there at the right time 6 = location, location, location 7 = show your true face 8 = insist 9 = be happy and celebrate 10 = be creative 11 = remind yourself of something 12 = hard work 13 and more= fire your coach or advisor and hire a personal consultant from a famous consultant company such as the JTJH Folding Corp. It is of no importance if a number is repeating itself. Many of the most famous self-help systems are doing exactly that and are still wildly successful. Just change the wording during STEP 7 to not make it too obvious. If you were attentive, which you probably aren't, you would have noticed that the list above contains only things which you are generally UNABLE to do. In other words, you can easily add on other items or replace the existing ones. For the system to work well just make sure that the new points are close to impossible to realize (or at least YOU can't do them!) Let's complete our example: the dice told you, with the help of JTJH Corp.: 1 plus 1=2, 3 plus 1=4, 4 plus 6=10, 1 plus 5=6 , 5 plus 4=9, 2 plus 5=7 1. = positive Thinking 2. = Vision 3. = be creative 4. = location, location, location 5. = happy/celebrate 6. = show your true face Now the final step, Step 5: - do a little rewording of the above to make it less boring. ...and.. Congratulations !!!!!!!!!!!!!! You've right now created the "6 Rules to Become Famous Overnite" ------------------------------------ 1. Ignore what your parents always told you and your wife and kids still tell you everyday: think of yourself as a celebrity 2. Envision yourself on the cover of the 'Rolling Stone' (or centerfold, or, at least a full page picture, alright!) 3. Tell at least one lie (better two, to be on the safe side) 4. Hang out at Malibu Beach, Sunset Blvd, or any major hot spot or boulevard in the world 5. Assume already the position of success 6. Force yourself to a bad-ass face **************** BINGO !!!!!!! DONE *********** SUCCESS IS INEVITABLE !!!!!!!!!!!!!! (At least for your new book. Whoever is so stupid to buy it, shouldn't be of any concern to you, it's not your problem. I repeat: that's not your problem!) Disclaimer: JTJH Corp. may under no circumstance made be liable for any damage directly or indirectly resulting from the usage of this product. For patent issues, scientific studies, and scholarly references: this system, entirely owned by JTJH Corp., shall be referenced as "Creation of Structured Systems for Management and Self-Help Programmes based on Randomized Paradigms" VITAL INFORMATION: By entering this contract you only purchased a LICENSE. You do NOT have the right to resell or otherwise distribute this product fully owned by JTJH Folding Corp. Just hear what our customers have to say: Rafaele Salvatore (Palermo, Italy), a proud customer of the JTJH Folding Corp since its inception: "Trust me Kumpah! This is the greatest product I ever seen. You know, the family has that ancient proverbio: "There are three ways to make money. You can inherit it. You can marry it. You can steal it." But, now thanks to the folks at JTJH Folding Corp., there is a fourth way: CSSMSHPRP (TM)! Way to go, Kumpah!" What could be more convincing??? But, attention: even though your success will be infallible with this system, don't think you're G.d now! ... G.D DOESN'T PLAY DICE, DAMMIT! Lastly, make your check payable to JTJH Corp. Don't forget the date and your signature! ----- snip here to forward with FAX e-mail etc -----------------------

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