MMMark's Whycandoo Room: How To Change?    
 How To Change?3 comments
27 Feb 2002 @ 00:26, by Mark Smollin

I would like to explore the following question: How does a person mentally accommodate the ability to change and evolve the self?

The challenges I find in having peaceful relationships with others and most specifically with a spouse, I have come upon the notion that most of my time is spent arguing over things of little substance, because we are more focused on differences and than we are on the topic. Many, including myself, have been predisposed to play devil’s advocate, to be contrary in some way, or to prove how smart we are. This barrier can be identified as thought, but it is more accurately attributed to the engrams of mind, those automatic, unconscious type of responses that we rarely notice. Anger is one of them, quite silly really, immature and a total self indulgent fabrication. These engrams trigger so quickly we don’t sense them, but we sure focus on the sense of the result. These illnesses are obstacles for your relationships to negotiate when they try to help you, and make a shell that is very difficult to see beyond.


So we sit cheek to cheek caressing and dreaming dreams for our life together, It is all so inspiring, warm, loving, and so we form an agreement about mutual goals. In our new consciousness we know we want to be healthier, we want to heal our mistakes, we certainly want a better life, and we get up each day with the hope of improving our lot by building improvements on it slowly. Then we hit the wall arm in arm because we do not know how together.

My search for cosmic truth has the purpose of setting a stage of minimal philosophy, rules, guidelines, creed, motto and the like so I can make a secure center for my soul, which will allow my mind to stay open to all other things in the splendor of life. I want to be free of unnecessary baggage, mental clutter that blurs reality and makes it hard to discover importance. So, I wrote these goals to keep us on track - centered:

OUR GOALS ARE SET TO ATTAIN ONLY THOSE THINGS
WHICH ARE HEALTHY, LOVING & GOOD –

THAT WE STRIVE IN UNISON TO PURSUE ONLY THOSE THINGS
WHICH WILL TRULY MAKE US HAPPY TOGETHER –

WITH THE UNDERSTANDING THAT
WE ARE ALWAYS IN THE CREATIVE PROCESS OF SELF-IMPROVEMENT

This bring me to the point of this log. How do we evolve ourselves? How do we change bad habits? How do we become healthy? Several things must happen in order to meet these goals. We must be truthful with ourselves, to face illnesses and prepare to fix them. Our ears must be open to our mates when they say we shouldn’t smoke, please put the cap back on the toothpaste tube, or we need to get more exercise. These may sound judgmental or critical unless delivered with great finesse, but then it does not matter to retaliate. It is in how you receive the love of others when they are attempting to love you that counts. We cannot hide in a defensive position just because we THINK we are being attacked when we are not. We should automatically assume we need to listen carefully when loved ones bring something to our attention. I choose to view everything in life as a joint venture with mutual reward.

Change cannot occur if we block ourselves from others, hide the truth, or look ahead with pessimism. But like Mister Carlson said, "The universe arranges itself no matter what you think. Get busy!" If we remain fixed an rigid of mind, it is like a lighthouse resisting the surf, so we must sway with the tide and adjust. I have found the easiest way to improve the self is to only invest in goodness. Start adding goodness and it will slowly displace all the illness that haunts you, and it is painless in comparison to the tortuous alternatives of self abuse. Do things that make you feel good about yourself and share that with everyone you touch.

Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. -- William Jennings Bryan



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3 comments

27 Feb 2002 @ 00:37 by jazzolog : Speaking of Being Haunted
I never thought I'd have to read that comment of mine so many times again. I want to run and hide. I hope there's no implication that I don't care what goes on in the Universe (I do) or how we perceive reality (epistomology is a huge interest). I do get restless with a lot of the spinning and weaving that goes on in our newslogs though, when the site seems to have trouble getting to first base---or out of the dugout even. (Apologies to folks overseas who have no interest in baseball. Yanks do love jazz, baseball and crime, ya know.)
Anyway, this post is refreshing as can be. A real blast for the tastebuds! Thanks Mark, for stepping up to the plate.  

27 Feb 2002 @ 18:09 by simpleman : WHO WANTS TO CHANGE?
This may very well put me in the doghouse, but lets look at this topic very carefully. Since joining NCN, which by the way, does not exclude us from the human race, I've seen and read peoples logs, which cover a large variety of subjects. I try to follow them on a consistent basis. This is what I see, like it or not.

I see alot of people sharing ideas, sharing thoughts, sharing life experiences. Then I see follow up comments referring to what was just shared. These comments take the form of dialog and can agree or disagree, agree and disagree, or just don't make sense to me. Agreement can take the form of mental agreement, spiritual agreement, humorous, ect.., and sometimes in the form of another shared thought, idea, or life experience, or it makes no sense to me. Disagreements, on the other hand are far more interesting. Now I see different thoughts, different ideas, usually to contradict something in the newslog. These contradictions may be kind in nature, or violent. At first I thought they were being presented, regardless of nature, as being positive. A chance to examine the WHY"S. A chance for self-improvement, examined with an open mind. Now I wonder. Over the last couple of weeks I've witnessed every form of negative dialog there is.
Every negative emotion we can express with dialog. One of the very reasons I thought we joined NCN for, being used to instill or provoke negative responses. All of us are acting like the assholes we say are responsible for the worlds problems. How the hell do we expect to live in a new civilization when we ourselves act like the old one. Lets swallow our pride once in a while and examine what were telling each other, SERIOUSLY. We are not PERFECT, are we? ARE WE? I myself feel embarassed at the way we have been treating each other lately. If we can't imagine ourselves as having imperfections, and be willing to admit to them, and attempt to CHANGE them, then maybe we don't deserve a NEW CIVILIZATION. SCREW US ALL, I GUESS
PISSED OFF
SIMPLEMAN  

27 Feb 2002 @ 20:26 by ming : Negativity
Hm, yeah, I don't have the answers. It is both disheartening to notice how everybody's misunderstanding each other, and easily ending up being mean to each other, based on those misunderstandings. At the same time it provides a view into the problems of the world. As many people have commented: if a small group of well-intended positive people like us can't get along and get anything done, how could it possibly get to work for a world with 6 billion people. And my response to that is not despair or hopelessness about it, but rather a realization of how deep that problem goes, and a realization that we need to solve that. That for me is very promising - having a focus on a deep, underlying problem. I realize that we can't even all agree on what that problem is, or its importance, but I can say for myself that I understand it a good deal better after these last few weeks.  

Other entries in
3 Oct 2008 @ 02:43: What 4
31 May 2004 @ 00:13: Memorial For America
24 Dec 2003 @ 18:22: Seasons Greetings
2 Dec 2003 @ 15:12: Shared Purpose
8 Jun 2003 @ 00:27: Namasté = Respect
22 Jan 2003 @ 20:59: Doers & Democracy
10 Jan 2003 @ 14:47: NEW STYLE THINKING
22 Dec 2002 @ 13:22: Wonderful Winter Holidays To You
4 Jun 2002 @ 02:13: Relationships
16 May 2002 @ 04:02: Thanks For Telling Me


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